Top Signs You Are In The One True Church!

I have been mulling this blog for quite a while, trying to find a way to communicate these ideas in a comedic manner. It’s entirely possible that isn’t possible and, after reading an article in the Sabbath Sentinel about church splits and the “One True Church”, I figured I would just give it a go and see what happens!

The “One True Church” is a congregation or denomination built on exclusivity. The general feel of the group is that nobody outside of this group is going to make it to the Kingdom. The term, as I use it, is definitely derogatory. While I was not in the “One True Church” that most Sabbath and Holy Day Believers were in, I was in two different churches that considered themselves the “One True Church”. Now that I have been in a congregation that would never consider itself the One True Church for a few years, I can see how easy it was to fall into such a faulty and pompous attitude that somehow “the truth” is only available to a choice few. So, here are some bullet points (in no particular order) on how one can know if one is in the “One True Church”.
  • If you have to take courses or accept “settled” doctrine, you might be in the One True Church
  • If the ministry has the perceived authority to dictate where you can work, you might be in the One True Church
  • If your church constantly demeans another specific church as being one of the beasts of prophecy, you might be in the One True Church
  • If you have to show the church your earning statements so they can verify you are donating enough, you might be in the One True Church
  • If you have to schedule visits with your non-One True Church member friends and families to make sure your minister won’t know you are visiting them, you might be in the One True Church
  • If you have to use the One True Church approved Bible version and/or concordance, you might be in the One True Church
  • If your church building has no windows, you might be in the One True Church
  • If your church meets in a rented hall and won’t tell anyone who is not a member where the hall is, you might be in the One True Church
  • If your church references someone as a prophet who is just a good Bible scholar, you might be in the One True Church
  • If your church references and old member/founder of said church in the present tense, you might be in the One True Church
  • If your church has teachings that they won’t write down, you might be in the One True Church
  • If you get ostracized for questioning your church’s doctrine, you might be in the One True Church
  • If you never hear a minister or elder say “I don’t know”, you might be in the One True Church
  • If all decisions have to go through a board that you are not allowed to serve on or witness, you might be in the One True Church
  • If your donations go to a conference and is not handled by the local congregation, you might be in the One True Church
  • If your minister preaches asceticism and owns aircraft, you might be in the One True Church
  • If your church preaches that it replaces Israel, you might be in the One True Church
  • If people have to be “approved” even just to offer a prayer or lead songs, you might be in the One True Church

 

OK, I am sure I forgot some. Feel free to add some in the comments!

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